Letters I'll Never Send
by Marissa-Xtreme SelDem Fan
Summary: Haley James has her secret love and her secret life. But will it ever come true? I suck at summaries, so please just read. Oneshot ficlet.


**Author's Note: **Hey guys! I was in the process of writing new chapters for my stories and I've had this idea in my head for at least a week or two and I can't get it out. So I finally decided to sit down and put it to paper. This is what came of it. It's just a one-shot ficlet. I hope you like it! As always, please read and review!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. One Tree Hill and its characters are property of the WB.

**Rating: **K+

**Letters I'll Never Send**

_Dear Luke, _

_This will be my last letter to you, at least of this kind. The secret letters I've written to you but never sent. I have a box full of these letters and I don't mean just a small shoe box. You can only guess how big it is if you count one letter for every day, or at least one for every week, and multiply that by ten years. That's how long I've loved you; ten years. I bet you can imagine it's a pretty large box. Sorry, are you still counting? I know you were never good with math, even back in third grade when we were learning the multiplication table. Almost my whole life is in that box, all stacked and arranged by month and year. You know I was always a stickler for neatness and organization. Sure, reality likes to come bite me in the ass more than I would like and make me remember that we're only friends, but I'd prefer to be stuck in my little dream world/secret life I've created for us in my head. And these letters all document it; our life together. The imagination is a crazy thing. And with my crazy imagination, I came up with ideas to plan out a life we would have had together, if you felt that way about me. I had everything described and thought out to the very last detail. From the day you confessed your feelings to me and me to you, our first kiss, first date, our first time together, going through school together, the day you proposed to me, our wedding, what our house would look like, and even down to how many kids we would have and how far spaced apart they would be. Sorry, sometimes my secret dream world with you blends into reality and sometimes it takes all my restraint and will power not to pull you into my arms and plant a tender yet passionate wet one on your lips when I'm near you._

_It's summer time now and with school out, I've had a lot more time on my hands. Slowly, I've been going through the letters, reading them over again, and reminiscing in old times when we were younger and teenagers, but mostly in my little dream world I had created. It was a Tuesday when you finally confessed your feelings to me, ones that went beyond friendship. This made me the happiest woman in the world. I had waited so long to hear those words. You wrapped your arms around me and kissed my forehead and I had never felt safer than in your arms. Our first real kiss was the next day, in the back storage room of your mom's café. Not the most romantic place, I know, but it worked for us. Our first date was beautiful. You set up a table lit with candles on the beach near the docks and a vase of roses as a centerpiece. Soft music played in the background and the gentle movement of the waves only seemed to enhance the romantic effect. We had macaroni and cheese, the food of the gods, and some champagne. Don't worry, neither of us were driving so we were free to celebrate a little. I lost my virginity to you in your bed on a Friday night with your mom gone away for the weekend on a small business retreat. You were so nervous, even more than I think I was, and I was less experienced than you, well I had no experience at all really. You kept fumbling with your belt buckle then the zipper of your pants and I could feel your hands trembling as you tried to unhook my bra. I won't describe it any more since it's all detailed in the letter I wrote on April 23rd, 2004._

_We went through high school together and after we graduated, I became worried. I was heading off to Princeton and you were going to Harvard. I was scared that we would grow apart from each other because of our long distance relationship. Okay, we were only a couple small states away, you in Massachusetts and me in Jersey, but we were still far enough away to not be able to see each other often. A week after we graduated high school, we had a date. To my dismay, you didn't show up. However, I found a note on my bed and when I read it, I realized that you hadn't forgotten and began to search for the other notes you had left for me so that I would find you. You knew I hated scavenger hunts, but I liked this one. I followed the clues and they led me to all the different places where we had our most memorable moments. I finally found you at the rivercourt. I should have known all along you would be there. You were standing there in a tux next to a table set for two. Rose petals littered the floor of the court and little white fairy lights were strung around the court, setting it in an ethereal glow. You took my hand and led me to the table, offering me a seat then pushing me in when I sat down. You took my hand again once you were seated as well and kissed the back of it, saying softly, "I love you." I returned the sentiment with tears still in my eyes from such a romantic gesture you had done here. We ate dinner and after dessert, you presented me with an envelope._

_I stared up at you in confusion, but you just smiled and motioned for me to open it. I slowly read through the letter and when I was finished, I stared up at you again, a shocked expression gracing my features as a wide, bright smile spread across my face and I jumped in your arms, squealing in excitement as I kissed you passionately. It was a letter from Princeton, saying that you'd been accepted. We would be going to college together. I hadn't even known you'd applied there. When we finally pulled away from some much needed air, you took my left hand into your own and got down on one knee, smiling up at me, and more tears started to stream down my cheeks at the realization of what you were about to do. You proposed to me that night right there on the rivercourt. We got married that summer in July just before school started in early August. We didn't want to wait a couple years; we'd waited long enough just to be together as more than friends. It was simple, romantic, and beautiful. We had always loved the simple things in life. We didn't want anything big or extravagant and Karen would have killed us if we'd gone off to Vegas and eloped without her being there. It was small and intimate, just a few close friends and relatives. The ceremony was at, guess where, the rivercourt. That place held so many memories for us; it where we spent countless days talking on the picnic table, me watching you play, you teaching me to play basketball, the place where you finally confessed your feelings. The reception was held at the café and toasts were made, the cake was cut, and then we were off on our honeymoon to Hawaii for two weeks, a gift from Karen._

_We finally got through four years of college at Princeton and we moved back to North Carolina so you could play for the Bobcats while I pursued teaching. I had always hated the idea of being some perfect little trophy wife, but with you it was different; I loved being your trophy. The day you won the playoffs was the day I told you I was pregnant with our first child. I waited for you in the private hallway outside the locker rooms along with some of the other wives or girlfriends and when you came out, I rushed over and congratulated you with a hard kiss and a tight squeeze. I told you I had some news and when you asked what it was, I whispered in your ear, "We're having a baby." You pulled back and stared at me wide-eyed, down at my stomach, then back to my eyes again. I nodded with a small smile and you gathered me up in your arms and started to spin me around but immediately put me down and asked if I was okay. It was so endearing that you were already concerned about my well-being and the little life I had growing inside of me. _

_It was a girl, and we named her Alana Danielle Scott. It was so comical how it happened. I was teaching my English class when I started having contractions and nobody could get a hold of you because you were in meetings with the team and you had your cell turned off. You know the coach, when there's a team meeting, no interruptions. I called Karen, who had moved up the year before to be nearer to us, and she rushed to meet me at the hospital as they wheeled me in on a gurney. I held her hand tightly within my own as the contractions came and went, increasing in intensity and duration, as I wished for you to be here with me. I'm sure I nearly broke Karen's hand. To my relief, you rushed into the delivery room dressed in scrubs just as I began to push. You took my hand and whispered over and over again how sorry you were that you hadn't been here earlier as you kissed me all over my forehead and encouraged me to push our child out into this world._

_The second was a boy and he was named Dustin Keith Scott, after your uncle. The third time I was pregnant, I had a really rough time, worse than the last two pregnancies and I later found out why. I gave birth to twins. You were always an overachiever, weren't you? They were fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. The girl we named Brittany Karen Scott and the boy Jesse Dylan Scott. By the time the twins were born, we moved into a new house. We needed a bigger one with our fast growing family. Coming from a large family myself and you with just your mom, we both wanted lots of kids so we had one more before we decided we were done; five was enough. _

_Our kids, what a great bunch. For our twentieth anniversary, they had a limo drive us to a destination we didn't know, until we arrived. They had sent us back to Tree Hill to the rivercourt where it all happened. Time passed and the kids grew up, moved out, and graced us with beautiful little grandchildren. We grew older…_

_Okay, I didn't plan past this point because even in my dream world I can't stand the thought of losing you. You are my best friend and the person I love more than anything. I would die if I lost you, even as a best friend. That brings me back to the reason why this is the last letter I will write to you about our secret life I've spent years planning and writing about. _

_I'm getting married in two days. It's someone you would have never expected me to marry back when it was just the two of us together, us against the world. I'm marrying your brother. I got the blessing from my parents and we're going to hold a small ceremony on the beach with just them, me, Nathan, and the priest. I wish you could be there but I don't know if I could go through with it if you were and I know you wouldn't understand the reasons why I decided to marry Nathan. It's time for me to move on. I've loved you for so long and lived in this fantasy world where I mean more to you than just a best friend for so long that I just need to face reality that what I want will never happen because you don't feel that way about me. So, I wish you luck in the future and I hope you find the love of your life like I did at seven years old. I will always love you Luke. Goodbye._

_Love,_

_Haley_

_Your best friend_

_Your soul mate_

_Your secret love_

Haley set down her pen and leaned back heavily into her desk chair as the tears streamed freely down her cheeks then buried her head in her hands. She cried for the loss of her first love, her true love. She knew it was wrong that she was marrying Nathan even though she loved Lucas. Don't get her wrong, she loved Nathan, but she had always imagined her life being spent with her best friend. Now he was leaving for Charleston and she couldn't stand being alone, without someone. It had been just her and Luke for twelve years and now he would be gone from her life. Well, he would visit and call, but he wouldn't be there for her every day like he used to.

After a little bit, Haley slowly stood from the chair and walked over to the box of letters, placing the letter she had just written, sealed in an envelope addressed to Lucas, on top of a stack. Reluctantly, she folded the cardboard flaps closed, just to hold it long enough until she got to the beach. She knew she couldn't keep the letters, not when she was marrying Nathan. She would feel guilty for keeping them and it was like evidence of a past tryst if Nathan were ever to find it. He would know that she never fully, truly loved him because her heart belonged to another person. She didn't want to hurt Nathan like that, because he's all she had left.

She had decided that she would go to the docks and toss the letters in the ocean, not the whole box, just the letters, as a last tribute and farewell to her dream world and secret life with Lucas. She had to live in reality now. Her first thought had been to burn them, but she didn't know of a place that she could safely, secretly burn all those letters so she decided throwing them into the ocean would be the next safest thing to do. Haley grabbed the box, her keys and purse, then drove to the docks. It was windy out and she was glad for that. The wind would carry out the letters further into the ocean. She sat on a bench as she stared at the box for several long minutes until she finally sighed and stood. She walked to the edge of the docks and opened the box and began to toss the hundreds of letters over the side. When it was all over, she gave a sad smile then turned and walked back to her car, preparing herself for her new life.

Lucas' POV

The beach always seemed to soothe me. That's one of the things I would miss in Charleston. It was all city and no real nature out there except for the parks, at least the part where he and Keith would be living in. I walked along the sand, feeling it beneath my bare feet and between my toes. I'd better wash my feet off before I head back to the house. Mom would kill me if I got sand all over her newly vacuumed carpets or the kitchen tile. I strolled along the shore, hands in my pockets, for twenty more minutes. As I neared the docks, I came across an envelope. To my surprise, it was addressed to me. I looked around, wondering who had left it and how they had known I was here, unless they saw me. I sat on the sand and held the envelope in my hands, wondering what it contained. Curiosity got the best of me and I slowly tore open the envelope.

It was a letter about three or four pages long and I looked at the last page to see who had written it. I was surprised when I saw it was from Haley. But what confused me more is what she put after her name. Not the best friend or soul mate part, but the secret love part. So I began to read the letter…

Half an hour later, I still sat there, stunned by what I had just read. Haley loved me. She had our whole lives planned out together. She loved me. Then it struck me. Haley was getting married. To Nathan. I looked at the letter and saw that it had been written yesterday. Haley would be getting married tomorrow. I quickly stuffed the letter back in the envelope and stuck it in my back pocket as I jumped to my feet and ran to her house. Unfortunately, Haley wasn't there. I tried the café and the bench by the river she frequented, but no luck. Then I remembered what I had read in the letter and raced to the rivercourt.

There I found her on the picnic table, head in her hands, as she cried. She didn't even notice me as I walked up. "This seat taken," I asked softly. She looked up at me with her tear-filled eyes and my heart broke. I had always hated seeing Haley cry; even worse if I was the one causing it and I was this time. She shook her head and I climbed on beside her, wrapping my arms around her shaking body as I laid her head against my chest and stroked her hair. I tenderly kissed her forehead and held her within my arms as she cried until they diminished to sniffles. "You know the old saying 'You can have your cake and eat it too'?" I asked her after several moments. She slowly nodded and looked up at me with confusion written in her eyes. I gave her a small smile as I stared into her beautiful brown eyes, "Well, you can have your dream world and you can have me too." Then I leaned in and softly, tenderly, captured her lips with my own.

The kiss lasted several moments and I felt Haley press harder against my lips as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. We finally parted to catch our breath a few minutes later. I gave her a mischievous grin as I wiggled my eyebrows, "So, can you describe to me in detail what was in that letter on April 23rd, 2004?" She let out a short laugh as she leaned in to kiss me again. "I'm so glad I didn't burn those letters," Haley murmured against my mouth, pressing her lips to mine in a passionate kiss.


End file.
